Developing Kingdom Leaders – Tom Yeakley

Taking the Mystery out of Leadership

Archive for the tag “self-control”

06 Oct 2025

Responding to Tragedy

To comment or not to comment? That is the question? When historical events happen around us, leadership has a decision to comment on such or not? We consider that we are setting precedent that will have to be addressed again in the future, no doubt, as unforeseen tragedies will again occur. We must remind our staff that their personal social media accounts are linked to the organization, not just to them personally. We must be wise in what we say or don’t say – we will be quoted – yes, even our silence!

  • How to respond to a tragedy?

Ephesians 5:15-16  –  Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

  • Because the days are evil….. don’t be surprised that the world hates you  –  John 15:18-19  –  “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
  • Because the days are evil….. expect to suffer for Christ –   1 Peter 4:16 – However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.
  • Because the days are evil….. be very careful for our adversary is not flesh and blood, but evil forces in high places  –  Ephesians 6:11-12 – Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
  • Because the days are evil….. be wise –  Matthew 10:16  –  I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.  Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.
  • Because the days are evil….. build your house on the rock – Matthew 7:24-25  –  “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 
Posted in #1 KNOW- How a Leader Thinks, #3 DO - What a Leader Does and tagged , , , , , , ,
18 Nov 2024

Do Not Be Afraid

While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?” Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” Mark 5:35-36 NIV

Jairus, a synagogue leader, had left his sick daughter at home to seek help from the healer – Jesus. He must have known how serious her condition was and that her recovery was tenuous at best. And now, having recruited help from the One who would heal his daughter, he was returning with Him to his dying daughter. But along the way, tragic news arrives from home – his daughter has died and the Healer was too late in arriving.

Jesus, upon overhearing the sad news from several of Jairus’ messengers and their counsel not to bother Jesus anymore, for the crisis was over and the outcome was heartbreaking, addresses Jairus. He exhorts him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” Jairus now has a choice to make – believe the news and give way to fear or believe what Jesus was assuring him of – just believe in Me and it will all work out. It was time for Jairus to step up and step out in faith, or choose the logical path of loss and grief.

While we do not have Jairus’ verbal response to Jesus, we see that he continued on with Jesus back to his home in spite of the news that his daughter had passed. He chose to believe that Jesus could help – no doubt wondering what exactly He would do. He only had a promise – don’t give way to fear, just believe in Me and it will work out.

Kingdom leaders regularly face situations where plans do not go as hoped. The execution of what seemed so good and right when we began, now in light of our current reality seem tragically hopeless. What do we do? We fear failure, loss, embarrassment as we lead others through the ‘valley.’ Will we try and ‘fix it’ ourselves, relying upon our limited resources and ability? Is it continuing on in faith or just a stubborn refusal to admit defeat?

We humble ourselves, acknowledging that God does direct our steps and He has the right to determine whether our outcomes are accomplished in the ways we thought best or His unimagined ways. We do not demand our ways, but commit ourselves and our endeavors to His loving, perfect outcome for us. There are times when we proceed as before (i.e. Jairus) or there are times when we must adjust our plans. Both require faith and courage. The key is obeying His direction and the Spirit’s leading.

We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9 NLT

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT

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23 Sep 2024
1 Comment

Leadership Conversations

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20 ESV

While James is not writing specifically to Kingdom leaders, his counsel is especially applicable to all leaders as they interact with others. For leaders, due to their position and authority, are heard at a volume of 9 even when they speak at a volume of 3. This can be of great advantage when affirming another for a job well done. But it can be tragically wounding if words are said in anger or without self-control.

James gives three actions when in interpersonal communications with others. Let’s look closer at these.

1. Be quick to hear – Have you ever been in conversation with another when they seemed not to be listening to you, but rather only waiting for the opportunity to speak? As leaders you will often be deferred to for speaking first or your words will be given more weight due to your role or position. Rather than sharing your thoughts, train yourself to ask questions and let others speak. And when they talk, really listen to them. Jesus asked over 200 questions and not one time did He need more information!

2. Be slow to speak – If you are quick to hear, you will be slow to speak. But you may hear and truly not be listening. Instead, you may be giving an outward appearance of listening, but inwardly you are formulating your response and ignoring what is being said. It is so important for leaders to think before they speak – to respond and not react. Wait before you send that email response. Put it into your draft folder and sleep on it. You’ll find many times that the next day you will reword it or not send it at all.

3. Be slow to anger – Note that James does not say, ‘and never become angry.’ Anger is a God-given emotion that, like other emotions, are morally neutral. God becomes angry, yet without sin. It is how we express our anger that determines whether we sin or not in our anger. Before we chastise or rebuke another, remember to take the log out of your own eye first (see Matthew 7:1-5). Words spoken in anger, though they may be forgiven, are not forgotten and the scars may be lasting.

Stewarding your leadership influence for good is more than accomplishing mission. It also includes caring for the flock entrusted to your leadership. Watch your interpersonal comms! You will be quoted!

Posted in #3 DO - What a Leader Does and tagged , , , , , ,
10 Jul 2023

Let Go and Let God – Really?

There is a dynamic tension that Kingdom leaders face in how much do I, the leader do, and how much do I let God do? This tension is manifested in leaders being people of action – we are not satisfied with the status quo. We want to make something happen! And yet, for those who lead in the Kingdom of God there is a balancing pull to not take control and depend solely upon yourself and your own abilities. Wanting to see God’s hand and power displayed through our leadership. One extreme might push us towards frenetic business, trying to make things work the way we hope. While the other extreme calls us to a passiveness that sits and waits for God to show up and do His God-like stuff. Neither seems correct.

When tempted to passivity, I’m reminded of the truth in Colossians 3:23 NIV – Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters… We are called to work with our whole hearts on whatever we endeavor for we are serving Christ our Lord by this work. Thus, laziness or a half-hearted effort is not honoring to Him who died for us. Yes, work and work hard when you do. Give it your all!

But when you do work, remember this in Proverbs 21:31 NIV – The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the LORD. Yes, we engage in our work initiatives with all we have, holding a standard of excellence worthy of the King of kings. But we leave the outcome of the battle with Him. He is the one who determines the results. Should my efforts go well, I thank Him. Should they not, I thank Him by faith that He is doing something good that I do not understand at this moment. I trust Him regardless of my outcomes.

Our human fears and insecurities will tend to push us to want to take control and try to assure an outcome. Yes, we give lip-service to God, but we are really trusting in our own strength and abilities to effectuate and outcome. We shy from fully committing our way to the Lord and by our actions communicate that God needs our help.

God says this – The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14 NIV

And again, He says – He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10 NIV

So, it’s a both-and, not an either-or course. Yes, we work. And yes, we trust in Him. Just don’t move off the center to trusting more in your own efforts than trusting Him to work on your behalf.

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29 Jul 2019

I’m Free …. But …

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.    John 8:36 (NIV)

You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.       Romans 6:18

Those who have put their faith and trust in Christ have been set free from sin and given the promise of eternal life.  Yet, this freedom has limitations and responsibility that comes with it.  God’s grace poured out upon us is not the freedom to do what we want, but rather the power to live as we ought.

Here are some sobering reminders on the exercise of our Christian freedom:

  • Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak.    1 Corinthians 8:9
  • “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive.            1 Corinthians 10:23
  • You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.    Galatians 5:13

Because of the influence we leaders have, others will be watching and imitating our example.  We are reminded that those who lead and influence others will be held to a higher standard.  James 3:1 states, “Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.”

Yes, we have great freedom in Christ!  Hallelujah!  But… with our freedom comes responsibility to exercise it wisely for the glory of God and for the service of others, not ourselves.

Therefore…

Watch your life and doctrine closely.  Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.       1 Timothy 4:6

Posted in #2 BE - Who a Leader Is, #3 DO - What a Leader Does and tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
22 Jul 2019

The Battle for Your Minds

Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.                                 Ralph Waldo Emerson

… clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.      Romans 13:14  (NIV)

The battle is raging for the control of your thought life.  For if the enemy can gain a beachhead within your thoughts, that front will eventually expand to control more and more territory, finally expressing itself in our actions.

Often, we tend to minimize what goes on within our thoughts, saying to ourselves, “Well, at least I didn’t do it!  Yes, I may have thought it, but I didn’t act on it.”  This rationalization can lead to self-delusion, for the Lord Jesus reminds us that even to lust after a woman is the same as committing the sexually immoral act of adultery (see Matthew 5:27-30).

So, what to do when the battle rages within for control of our thoughts?  Here’s some practical suggestions:

  1. Determine to fix your thoughts upon Christ
    • Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest.     Hebrews 3:1   (NIV)
  2. Arm yourself for battle by storing away God’s word within you
    • How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
      By living according to your word.… I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.    Psalm 119:9,11
  3. Ask God for help as the battle rages – it is not a matter of our will power, but rather His power
    • … call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.        Psalm 50:15 

The enemy is waging war against you seeking to gain a foothold within your thoughts that he might exploit further into your leadership actions.

Resist the devil and he will flee from you.   James 4:7

How’s your thought life today?

Posted in #1 KNOW- How a Leader Thinks, #2 BE - Who a Leader Is and tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,
05 Mar 2018

Conflict Resolution Tips

As the sun rises in the east, so will conflicts arise in your life as you lead.  What to do when they arise makes all the difference.  Below are some very practical ideas on what to do when you have an interpersonal conflict with another.

  1.  Seek to resolve small conflicts before they become big ones!  And remember that your small issue can be a big issue for someone else.
  2. If you know there is an issue with someone, take the initiative.  Move towards them to resolve it.
  3. If you are upset-angry-frustrated, be sure that you focus the expression of those feelings on the issue and not the person.
  4. Anger is not necessarily bad.  All emotions are morally neutral.  But, it is how we express our anger-frustration that can make it sin for us.
  5. If your beginning to lose self-control and sensing an inability to express deep feelings constructively, call a ‘time out’ to allow yourself to regain control of your emotions.  But, be honest to not use this tactic as a tool to manipulate others.
  6. Taking a ’20-year look’ on issues can bring some better perspective on how important this issue really is.  Is this really something that 20 years from now is worth going to battle over now?
  7. If possible, keep the issue private and settle it privately.  The circle of those included in settling an issue is the circle of those involved-offended.
  8. Once settled, don’t bring the issue up again.  Bury it and leave it buried!
  9. Using words like, “You always….” or “You never….” will not lead to resolution of a conflict.  The accused will feel personally threatened and move into a ‘flight or fight’ response mode.  Neither response will lead to a lasting resolution of a conflict.
  10. Just because someone disagrees with you does not mean that they don’t like you as a person or a leader.  Don’t take it so personally!

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.              Romans 12:18   (NIV 1984)

Posted in #2 BE - Who a Leader Is, #3 DO - What a Leader Does and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
26 Jun 2017

Your Reactions are Showing

Sometimes that click you hear under your foot really is a landmine!

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity.  Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.                     Colossians 4:5-6  NIV 1984

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord.  Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…    1 Peter 3:15   NIV 1984

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.    Ephesians 5:15-16   NIV 1984

How many times have you done or said something that you think immediately afterwards – Oh, no!  Ooops!   Wish I could rewind that tape!  Thinking before you speak or act is a mark of maturity and self-control.  It is a sign of Kingdom wisdom.

The authority that leaders carry by position or reputation can leave behind wreckage in the lives of many if we are not careful in how we act or speak.  While we have the right to have thoughts and opinions about all things, it is not wise to share or act upon them without first realizing the potential impact on those around us.  You will be imitated and quoted!

I’m not talking about political correctness here.  There are times when Kingdom leaders must stand for what is right and go against the cultural tide.  What I’m referring to are the unfiltered, knee-jerk responses that unintentionally wound others simply because we don’t stop to think before we act or speak.  Someone put it this way, “Your reactions are showing!”

Paul’s exhortations to us in the passages above are to, “be wise,” “be prepared,” and “be very careful” with respect to our speech and actions, especially as we relate to an unbelieving world.  We would do well to heed these reminders.

How are your recent interactions with others – family, team members, or outsiders?

Are your reactions showing?

 

 

 

Posted in #2 BE - Who a Leader Is, #3 DO - What a Leader Does and tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,
27 Mar 2017

Modeling and Managing Yourself

Leading and managing others is much easier if you are able to manage yourself first.  Self-management, being able to self-direct, is a prerequisite for deeper leadership influence.  Your personal example as a leader speaks very loudly to those around you.

Below are some passages that speak to this idea of self-management and being an example for others.  Reflect upon them in the context of your leadership influence.

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent,
and discerning if he holds his tongue.   (Proverbs 17:28  NIV 1984)

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness.  Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers, this should not be.  (James 3:9–10  NIV 1984)

“I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.”  (John 16:12  NIV 1984)

When you sit to dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony.  Do not crave his delicacies, for that food is deceptive.  (Proverbs 23:1–3  NIV 1984)

But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’  Then you will be honored in the presence of all your fellow guests.  For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”  (Luke 14:10–11  NIV 1984)

Do to others as you would have them do to you.  (Luke 6:31  NIV 1984)

Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.  (1 Thessalonians 5:15  NIV 1984)

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.  (1 Timothy 4:12  NIV 1984)

Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.  (1 Corinthians 11:1  NIV  1984)

I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.  (John 13:15  NIV 1984)

As a Kingdom leader you are being watched and your example speaks louder than your words.  What are you modeling that others may imitate?

Posted in #1 KNOW- How a Leader Thinks, #3 DO - What a Leader Does and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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