Developing Kingdom Leaders – Tom Yeakley

Taking the Mystery out of Leadership

Archive for the tag “Interpersonal communication”

23 Sep 2024
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Leadership Conversations

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20 ESV

While James is not writing specifically to Kingdom leaders, his counsel is especially applicable to all leaders as they interact with others. For leaders, due to their position and authority, are heard at a volume of 9 even when they speak at a volume of 3. This can be of great advantage when affirming another for a job well done. But it can be tragically wounding if words are said in anger or without self-control.

James gives three actions when in interpersonal communications with others. Let’s look closer at these.

1. Be quick to hear – Have you ever been in conversation with another when they seemed not to be listening to you, but rather only waiting for the opportunity to speak? As leaders you will often be deferred to for speaking first or your words will be given more weight due to your role or position. Rather than sharing your thoughts, train yourself to ask questions and let others speak. And when they talk, really listen to them. Jesus asked over 200 questions and not one time did He need more information!

2. Be slow to speak – If you are quick to hear, you will be slow to speak. But you may hear and truly not be listening. Instead, you may be giving an outward appearance of listening, but inwardly you are formulating your response and ignoring what is being said. It is so important for leaders to think before they speak – to respond and not react. Wait before you send that email response. Put it into your draft folder and sleep on it. You’ll find many times that the next day you will reword it or not send it at all.

3. Be slow to anger – Note that James does not say, ‘and never become angry.’ Anger is a God-given emotion that, like other emotions, are morally neutral. God becomes angry, yet without sin. It is how we express our anger that determines whether we sin or not in our anger. Before we chastise or rebuke another, remember to take the log out of your own eye first (see Matthew 7:1-5). Words spoken in anger, though they may be forgiven, are not forgotten and the scars may be lasting.

Stewarding your leadership influence for good is more than accomplishing mission. It also includes caring for the flock entrusted to your leadership. Watch your interpersonal comms! You will be quoted!

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19 Dec 2022

Telling and Remembering

In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” Then they remembered his words. Luke 24:5-8 NIV

It has been said, “Teaching is not telling and hearing is not understanding.” Jesus had told these women and His other followers multiple times about His pending death and promised resurrection. These angels had to remind them of what He had told them previously. After this prompting by the angels concerning what Jesus had said previously, “they remembered His words.”

It has also been said, “Now that we’ve put it in writing, we need to teach people how to read.” Kingdom leaders and their communication challenges lead to confusion, misunderstanding, and wasted effort. Leaders can assume that those they lead remember what they’ve said. This can be a costly assumption. If the disciples did not remember what Jesus said, odds are they won’t remember what you say. Don’t assume your communications are being read, understood, or applied. You will need to remind them as the angels did with these women disciples.

Over-communicate those things that are especially important. Choose multiple means and times to state the important. Beginning with your mission and vision, make it hard for others to misunderstand what they are being asked to accomplish. Don’t assume that slick graphics or catchy phrases will ensure understanding and engagement. Say it again but say it in such a way that others will hear. Jesus sent two angels to remind these women of what He had said.

Remember what Peter said, “So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have.” 2 Peter 1:12 NIV

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28 Feb 2022

Speaking the Truth

All your words are true; all your righteous laws are eternal. Psalm 119:160 NIV

God is truth and His actions are always truthful.  God cannot lie.  God’s truth is absolute and found in His Word – the Bible.  It is unchanging because God is unchanging.  Because God’s Word is truth it is completely trustworthy.

As followers of Christ, we are always to deal truthfully with others.  Our words must be truthful so that others can trust what we say.  Because Jesus is ‘the Truth,’ believers are to share Christ, who is the truth, with others.

  • The Scriptures testify that God is truth.   What do the following passages say about God being truth? — John 14:6; John 18:33-37
  • God’s Word is the measuring rod for believers to gauge whether something is truthful or not.  What is said about the Word of God in the following passages? —  Psalm 119:142,151,160; John 17:17

Question to ponder:  Is there ever a time when you should not tell the truth, the whole truth?

Passages for further reflection: John 1:17; Hebrews 6:13-20

Posted in #2 BE - Who a Leader Is, #3 DO - What a Leader Does and tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
12 Oct 2020

Leaders and Interpersonal Communication

Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil.   Matthew 12:33-35  ESV

Kingdom leaders are constantly communicating to those they lead and influence.  Developing the skill of interpersonal communication should be high on our ‘to do list.’  Here’s some practical ideas to that end.

  1. Remember:  We speak at a volume of 2, but are heard at a volume of 9!
  2. We are always communicating something. Even not communicating communicates something! Non-verbal communication is always happening.
  3. Think before you speak! Act; don’t react! You can’t take back something once it has been said… the effect will inevitably remain. A Russian proverb says, “Once a word goes out of your mouth, you can never swallow it again.”  Watch those text messages!!!!!
  4. No form of communication is simple. Even simple communication is complicated by many variables. Words do not have inherent meaning; we simply use them in certain ways… no two people use the same word exactly alike. Don’t assume that just because you told them they now understand!
  5. Communication does not happen in isolation. There are many contextual factors: psychological, relational, situational, environmental and cultural… all influence communications significantly.  Adjust your communication style to fit your audience!

 Tips for Understanding Non-verbal Communication

  1. Recognize that people communicate on many levels… facial expressions, eye contact, body posture, voice level, hand and feet movements, use of space/distance, body movements and placement, culture and appearance as they walk toward you.
  2. If a person’s words say one thing and their non-verbal message says another, you will tend to listen more to the non-verbal message … that is the correct decision.
  3. Non-verbal communication can provide up to 85% of the meaning of any conversation. Pay particular attention when doing interviews.
  4. Probe non-verbal communication during a conversation in which you need facts and believable statements. Again, the non-verbal may reveal more than the person’s spoken words.
  5. When leading a meeting or speaking to a group, recognize that non-verbal cues can tell you:        when you have talked long enough; when someone else wants to speak; and the mood of the group and their reaction to your remarks.

Becoming a skilled interpersonal communicator is a developmental goal for Kingdom leaders.  Start today!

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